If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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