I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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