The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
