pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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