so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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