Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
