I'm sorry my penis didn't work
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is Oprah even human
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize