It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
