I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When did angry sex become our thing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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