she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
