Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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