im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
