Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
