he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
