I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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