ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
