is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who died my cat blue again?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
