so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
