i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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