Small penises have feelings too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
