nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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