Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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