from now on my penis is your penis
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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