I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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