I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
