just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
