this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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