Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
