She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
