Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
