Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
