the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
