Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think my moral compass just broke
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
