Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
