Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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