He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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