I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
