hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
