ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
