Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
