I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
