forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
