On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize