This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
