Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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