I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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