you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
