I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
