if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
