I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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