Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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