atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize