this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
