Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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