Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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