She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im holly from the hills drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
