I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
