My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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