no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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