Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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