TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
