Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
