Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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