I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
