The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
