I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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