Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
