Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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