he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
