I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I sprained my soul last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
