I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
