is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
