That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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