i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
