He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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